Sesekali dalam hidup, lepaskan saja

Aku menulis seperti setan mengumbar aurat. Siapapun jadi sasaran, Tuhan sekalipun. Aku menulis seperti seorang pemain piano menekan tuts, setengah keahlian, setengah lagi murni naluri. Aku menulis bagai seorang anak kecil menggambar di sebuah lembar putih. tak perduli absurd atau indah, tak perduli warnanya cocok atau tabrakkan yang penting membuatku senang. Aku menulis seperti seorang pemabuk yang memuntahkan isi perutnya. Di mana saja, kapan saja, tak perduli aturan.

Aku belum membaca isi paragraph pertamaku. Sesuatu yang biasa aku lakukan setiap kali aku lompat ke paragraph ke dua. Terasnya harus bagus agar ada orang yang mau bertamu, begitu kata seorang jurnalis ahli. Akh persetan dengan itu. kalau tulisanku ini rumah, maka aku membangunnya sesuka hati. orang tidak suka? Itu urusan mereka. kalau mereka suka, ya aku hanya bisa bilang, selamat datang, selamat menikmati seadanya.

Aku menulis dengan hati. hati yang bebas. entah di mana aku akan tiba. Jujur aku tak sepenuhnya perduli. Aku hanya ingin menuliskan apa yang spontan lahir di dalam pikiranku. Mungkin aku dipacu oleh irama riang dari earphoneku sehingga jariku terpancing untuk melompat girang di atas keyboard.

Siapa bilang hanya belanja yang bisa impulsif. Menulis juga seharusnya bisa. tulis. Tulis. Tulis. Abaikan rasa takut jelek. takut tak ada yang mengerti. Sekali seumur hidup lakukan sesuatu sesuai hatimu. Ya! hatimu. Kesenanganmu. Tutup matamu, lupakan semua yang ada di sekelilingmu, lepaskan hatimu dan biarkan ia menari. Sesekali dalam hidup kita perlu berhenti mendengarkan apa kata orang dan menjadi diri kita sendiri untuk melakukan apa pun yang bisa membuat kita bahagia.

Choice by choice, layer by layer

I wish I could tell the future so I could know that what I am going to do or the decision that I am going to take is the right one. But it’s impossible to know whether the bomb is going to explode or not if I haven’t even pulled the trigger yet. You could predict the possibilities, of course, but you would never foretell the future. Unless, you are the “talented”. So there is nothing else I can do but to take the road that many before me have taken, the long and winding road.

Life's shaped by the choices we have made. Resigning from our job, breaking up with lovers, loving someone who didn’t love you back (then deciding to keep on loving her), leaving your family and friends, punching someone in the face, running away from home and from school, stealing that first kiss, having that naive first sex, living by yourself, helping other people, hating someone, forgiving someone, forgiving yourself, having a dog or a cat, or a snake, or a bear. Some of the choices ended up with happy ending, but some others would take us to a dark and grimy place. But at least we stand up for ourselves, for what we believe is right.

However, there is always a choice not to chose and stay in our comfort zone for the rest of our life. Just forget about hopes and dreams and stick with reality and reality only. But then, the world (or at least your world) would be colorless, tasteless and meaningless. John F Kennedy would have never sent men to the moon, Thomas Alpha Edison would have never found bulb and for that the world would be a dark and creepy place to live.

Life is about the risks we take, the impossibilities that keep us trying again and again, harder and harder, the failures which make us stronger, because life is not like a fast food. It is like baking a kue lapis (layer cake). You have to do it layer by layer until it becomes one beautiful and delicious cake.